Friday, June 28, 2013

A Father to the Fatherless

Maybe your daddy was killed in a tragic car accident, maybe he got cancer and you faithfully stood by his side til he drew his final breath, maybe you grew up with a dad who wasn't very good to your family, or maybe your dad left you like mine did. Either way, it hurts.

Yes, my father (who, as much as the little girl inside of me wants to call him "Daddy" doesn't deserve that title at all) left me. He didn't love me enough to be faithful to my Momma and chose a disgusting, home-wrecking witch over his family. He left a sweet little pig-tailed, blonde haired, blue-eyed two-year-old and a beautiful woman who loved him more than anything for complete and utter trash.

Yes, it's sad. But I've had 19 years to think about this. You can't let your wounds turn you into a person you are not.

As much as it hurts, I have been blessed so much and have had love so abundant, so overwhelming, that it has more than made up for the absence of this father figure in my life. My Momma has been both Momma and Daddy to me - from getting me all dolled up for dances and proms and teaching me how to cook the way a Momma should to bringing me flowers to my dance recitals and teaching me how to play baseball in the backyard the way a little girl's daddy should.

My Paw was also a very strong father figure in my life. His sweet spirit, quiet strength, and ability to make you feel like you were the only thing in the world that mattered to him were qualities that I learned to look for in a future husband.

Losing my Paw to lung cancer two and a half years ago crushed me, because he was my best friend and I felt like I had lost a Daddy twice. One by his choice, one because he couldn't help it. I was fatherless.

But, wait! I am not and have never been fatherless. Just as the story of the man who walked on the beach and thought he had gone through the rough times in his life alone, I realize that all the times I've struggled with feelings of being fatherless the most... Jesus has always been there. I've never been alone.

He's a Father to the fatherless. -Psalm 68:5

I'm not completely to the point where I don't have anger and resentment for my father, but I'm a whole lot closer than I used to be. I realize now that it's truly his loss, and that he's the one who will never know what it's like to have a daughter. Maybe he's sorry, maybe he's not, but none of that really matters because it's Jesus who has claimed me as His own and "sorry" isn't in His vocabulary. The Lord promises to NEVER leave you. NEVER forsake you. He wants good things for His children.

So, if you are feeling alone today, remember that you have a Father who loves you more than anything. You are loved more than you could ever know by Someone who died to know you (Romans 5:8).

"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives [or takes away from us] is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see." -Corrie ten Boom

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