This time last year, I was savoring every second of my last semester of college. I could be found spending as much time as possible with my girlfriends at all our favorite local places, tucked away with a latte and my nose in a book in my favorite coffee shop, spending too much money at dreamy little thrift shops, or on my hands and knees in my dorm room floor completely obsessing over the latest craft project... and I thought life was complicated.
Sure, there were exams, more all-nighters in the library than I could count, walks to class uphill in snow that hit my face like little needles, and all the general little struggles that most college students face... but I didn't realize how easy I had it.
Now, I'm not complaining with where I am in life now by any means. I am blessed beyond measure, head over heels in love with the man of my dreams, and have been given far more opportunities than I could have ever imagined to use the gifts and talents God's given me. I understand that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48) and I'm willing to do whatever I can to serve, to learn, to grow, to honor, and to carry His name to the ends of the earth.
What I'm struggling with is discontentment. Discontentment is poison, it's a trap, and it's nothing but a lie that will steal your joy like no other. Nevertheless, it's a battle I fight every single day. I am so thankful for our home, but at the same time, my reckless, selfish desire is for a one-way plane ticket, not a mortgage. I am so thankful to have a wonderful job that I can depend on, but at the same time, I hate being tied down to the same thing everyday from 8-5, sitting behind a desk. I am so thankful to live in a safe community, surrounded by family and friends that we know are always there when we need them, but at the same time, I crave to be somewhere new, different, and far, far away from everything that's even remotely familiar.
How I found a man who loves me not "in spite of this," but for this, is beyond me. Grayson just gets me, and I am unspeakably grateful.
Seeing all my friends who are still in college post dreamy pictures in dreamy places from their Spring Break just about sent me over the edge. It's not jealousy... because I'm happy for them. For me, it's nostalgia. It's wishing and longing for the carefree days of spontaneous adventure that graduation stole from me.
It always takes me crying out to Jesus and digging into His word to realize that I have let my blessings become burdens. Jesus wants us to live an abundant life, and that means no feelings of discontentment ever come from Him. His plan for us may not always make sense, but we have to trust that there are good things to come. We should live every day in confident expectation that the Lord is going to reveal His goodness to us. And He will.
Jesus has me right where He wants me, and I have to rest in that. It might be a struggle every day to keep myself from being discontent with where I am, but I have to trust that even if I don't realize it, He's using me, He's preparing me, and He's molding me.
There will be stormy seasons, there will be happy seasons with seemingly endless sunshine, and then, there will be the overcast, boring seasons. It's the overcast, boring seasons that trouble me the most. That's when my mind has time to wander into that trap of discontentment, and if you're like me, you know you have to fully rely on Jesus to drag you out of that pit. Lets do this together, lets learn to love the skies we're under, trusting Him to give us fulfillment, satisfaction, and contentment that can ONLY come from Him.