Dating Tips from a Not-So-Professional Hope(ful) Romantic

If you're anything like I used to be, you're not very good at surprises. You like surprises, sure. What girl doesn't? But when it comes to not knowing- when it comes to the ball not being in your court- when it comes to not having any control over a situation- you can't handle it.

I wouldn't call myself a control freak or say that I prefer to "wear the pants in a relationship" because I'm probably the least "feminist" person in the world. My old-fashioned little self loves the idea of a strong, Godly man taking the lead and being the trustworthy provider for his family.

However, somewhere along the way, life experience got in the way, leaving doubt, confusion, and a much more up-tight Katie than my carefree disposition would like to admit or allow for. That's how I learned a very important lesson that I'd like to share with you today.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a relationship is not have any expectations. Expectations lead to disappointment. All they do is put an idea of what you imagine a situation should be like, and then when it doesn't work out that way, you're upset, even if later you realize that it was for the better, after all. Expectations also put stress on yourself and people you love. Don't let your expectations deter your guy from coming up with fun ideas for the two of you (which they will if they scare him into thinking nothing he can do will be good enough for you). Don't squash his creativity.

Expectations are a form of (often involuntary) control that can kill relationships. Think about it- wouldn't it be much sweeter to go on a fun date your guy planned, knowing he put thoughtful effort into thinking of a exciting way the two of you could spend the day together than you telling him exactly what you wanted to do? Let him take the lead.

But then, that raises another question that so many girls have, and I've learned from experience that it's a problem you bring on yourself by being too forward or aggressive when it comes to letting him take the lead. What if he never offers or wants to come up with fun, exciting ideas? What if he's not creative? 

If this is the case, it's probably a direct result of you always offering to call him or go to his house, or telling him exactly what you want to do when the two of you are together. You've squashed his creativity. You've made it easy, normal, and almost expected of him to just do whatever you want and never have to swoon you. You've taken away a vital part of the relationship that makes him feel needed and appreciated.

You can fix this, but it will take time and conscious effort. You can start by telling him that you've recognized this flaw in your thinking about things, and then build him up, supporting his ideas, and telling him that you love little things about his everyday life that he probably doesn't even think you notice. What a blessing it will be to watch him learn to creatively plan things for the two of you to do together. Your time is precious, and when you allow him to take the lead, you're able to enjoy things so much more.